Think about it… When you were a child did you always honor your mother and father? Do your actions always glorify the Lord? Do your thought’s always glorify the Him? Do you ever complain that you don’t have enough and you just want more? Have you ever spoken or even though negatively about someone? I think I can say with confidence that we all do this, we all make poor choice we all disappoint God, we are all sinners! Thankfully there is a ‘but’ and it’s a BIG ‘but’… God has sent his only son for us, and that son died for our poor choices because of that, we have been shown grace for our indiscretions.
I wanted to write about this a while ago but I was ashamed and disappointed in myself. Over the last few weeks I have really seen God’s grace and although I am still ashamed of my actions we can all learn from our mistakes.
A few weeks ago I was at work, it was a really busy day and in my department being a team player is very important. Being a team player is so important that our boss schedules enough people to ensure the job can be done properly but this day although the supervisor had schedule enough people, a couple people called in sick and a few just didn’t show up. My coworkers and I were so busy it was a very stressful day and all of a sudden one of my coworkers decided to leave the office and go for coffee. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem but in our job when we receive calls they are divided equally based on who is 'logged in' on the phones. Some of our coworkers in other departments have a lot of flexibility, however, in our department you get a one hour scheduled lunch and that’s it unless it’s a quick run to the washroom. So when my coworker started to pack up and get her bag ready, logged out of the phones and said she was going to a coffee shop a few minutes away I became infuriated. My mind started thinking things like “who does she think she is”, "we have a coffee maker in the office make a coffee here it’s too busy for you to leave" and "it's so unfair for her to leave because of her selfish needs".
In my anger and frustration I got on our instant messaging system and wrote a message to my coworker in my department to complain. Oh but here is the good part, instead of sending it to my friend I sent it to the coworker I was upset at. Thankfully she didn’t receive it, I was able to ‘take back the message’ but still I panicked and my other coworkers became involved. Immediately I knew I had done something wrong, a rushing wave of embarrassment flooded my body I could feel my checks turning bright red out of embarrassment. I said a quick sorry to my coworker who witnessed this and hid behind my computer for the rest of the day.
The feeling of guilt was overwhelming, I felt horribly for sending this gossip and involving my coworkers in my shenanigans. I felt horribly for the rest of the day, I went home and couldn’t stop thinking about what I had done, I couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t a good feeling.
The next morning as I was getting ready for work I knew I needed to apologize to my coworkers I had involved in my mess. I originally thought an email would suffice but when they started to arrive in the morning I knew an email was NOT enough. Humbly I walked over to each of their desks and apologized. It wasn’t easy for me, I could have taken the ‘easy way out’ and sent a generic email but I knew that wasn’t what I needed to do.
After apologizing to my coworkers I realized that this didn’t happen by accident…Oh no there are no accidents when you walk with the Lord…this was all planned out, this was meant to be. Weird right? Well at first I didn’t get it, I couldn’t understand why I would have done such a thing and why God had allowed it to happen…that was in the heat of the moment. After apologizing to my coworkers I felt a sense of relief, peace at heart, I knew it was nothing other than the grace of God washing away my shame.
Have you every felt unworthy of the grace you've received?