Feb 1, 2013

Overcome the Lie - Motherhood

It's the last day to take part in the Overcoming the Lie campaign over at The Story Project.  If you haven't had the opportunity I'd encourage you to go over to Ashley's blog and check it out.  

I have been married to the most wonderful man, I have been honoured to call him my Husband for over 6 years now.  Up until about a couple of months ago the thought of having children was not on our radar.  We often spoke about having children but neither of us really wanted children, or at least that what we thought.  We had some pressure from family, friends and the community which is typical, I suppose seeing that we had been married for 6 years and still had no children.  When people would ask if we were having children we'd typically say we weren't planning on having children, we had no desire to have children, it just wasn't for us.  
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Looking back over the years I realized I have been lying, to myself and to others. There was never a time in my life or in our marriage that the idea of having children was totally off the table.  Reflecting on it now I realize there was so much going on in my heart that I wasn't fully aware of and as a result I was being tricked by the enemy into believing I didn't want to be a mother.

It wasn't until recently that both my hubby and I started to chip away at the real tough feelings behind the lies we kept telling ourselves.  The lie that we didn't want to be parents, that I didn't want to me a mother.  I realized that I had built a barrier around this part of my heart, the part of my heart that impacted my desire to have children, to be a parent, to be a mother.  The scary thing is this building of barriers happened without me really knowing it.   What I know now, the root of not wanting to have children stems back to a past sin in my life and the feeling of not being worthy to bring a child into this world, and God won't bless me with the opportunity because of my past sin.  I felt as though I would never be able to care for a child appropriately and raise them to fear the Lord in this broken world.  I realized the idea of not having children was not sincere but rather it was rooted in fear, in a lie placed in my mind and on my heart by the enemy. The lie that I wasn't 'good enough', I was not worthy to be gifted and blessed with the responsibility of raising a child.  

After a lot of time spent in pray asking for clarity and surrendering these feelings to God, through the tears I realized that I have a heart for children and always have.  The best part of all of this is I now realize that I'm not worthy to bare children, I am not able to raise a child alone with my husband, I can't be the best parent out there but through God who strengthens me I can do all things including parenting and raising a family. My husband and I have to put our trust in Him and through His grace and wisdom one day we hope to do our best at parenting the children we are entrusted with. I am positive I will stumble along the way as my hubby and I continue to seek God's will and timing but I put my trust fully in Him and I find peace in knowing these are lies that I can overcome.  

2 comments:

  1. I clicked over here from the Wiegands & became a follower.

    Love this post--I completely get what you are saying about your past changing the way you feel about parenthood. I struggle with bringing alot of fear into parent because of some things in my childhood. I try to find comfort in the fact that I am not in control...He is.

    -Mary
    thesauerpatch.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mary, I am glad to know I'm not alone in this struggle and your advice is very wise, parenting is out of my control but in His. Thanks for stopping by and becoming a new follower, it means a lot!

      Hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

      Delete

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