Apr 19, 2013

A Heavy Heart

I sit in front of my computer to write this post with a heavy heart.  I'm not one to typically show or share my fear or hurt because it puts me in a position of vulnerability. I learnt through many different situations and circumstances that keeping my vulnerabilities hidden is a way to protect myself against the hurt.  What I realize now is I wasn't protecting myself from hurt at all, in fact I was just perpetuating the hurt by keeping it bottled up inside which in turn was doing more harm.  Although I know this has been a pattern in my life for so long it is difficult to break free of.  I know there are some deep seeded trust issue that this stems from which I am working on but it's a process and this post is a step in the right direction.  So tonight I'm sharing with you what has been weighing heavily on my heart this week.
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As some of you may know I work in, what I would consider, a fairly difficult, emotional job and as a result I'm often exposed to traumatic situation.  Sadly in the work place there is little time to grieve, process and heal through these situations because there is another family waiting for help.  I'm finding it more and more difficult to deal with the trama I see and hear at work because they continue to pile up like dirty dishes.  Eventually, they are going to topple over and break or at some point they will need to be cleaned.

Typically I'm able to manage however, this week the weight of my experiences at work in conjunction with the sad tragedies in Boston and Texas I've found myself broken.  I am so thankfully, I can turn to the Lord and find peace, comfort and safety in Him.  I've known for years we live in a broken world but weeks such as this, just make it that much more obvious.  It's weeks like these I cling on to my loved ones more tightly and long for heaven, but in the mean time, I sit with a heavy heart praying for the families affected by these tragic situations with hopes that they will turn to the Heavenly Father who is the greatest protector.

2 comments:

  1. :(
    Will be praying for you in these days. I Love you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am very aware of the fact it is better to be vulnerable and feel life's hurts than to protect myself from it. Protection only leads to death so to say. Know what I mean?

    ReplyDelete

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